


every pop song on the radio is suddenly speaking to me

by clockworkcheetah



Series: Of Fingertips and Ribcages [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Todd Brotzman, Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexual Dirk Gently, Demisexual Todd Brotzman, Demisexuality, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Pining, Sex Talk, Sexuality Crisis, Time Skips, talking to a cat about your problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26106259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcheetah/pseuds/clockworkcheetah
Summary: After all the Wendimoor and The Boy business is dealt with, Todd heads back to Hobbs' place to stay the night (and to feed Mustard the cat)
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Series: Of Fingertips and Ribcages [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887031
Comments: 13
Kudos: 30





	every pop song on the radio is suddenly speaking to me

**Author's Note:**

> so as you can see 'you've just been oversleeping' is now a series. kind of. that is and always will be a standalone all future fics in ofar are more like bonus content?  
> This is a scene i had initially cut out of yjbo, but decided to expand on, plus the scene at the end. i thought i should confirm their sexualities? i have an explicit fic for this series thats already written but i felt a lil weird with how yjbo ended to just be like bam! porn (its more feelsy than smutty tho) esp cause people liked that it was non-sexual, which is totally fine but its just a headsup (tho this i was basing this on my own thoughts/feelings/stance on this stuff -shrugs-) i will alliterate that yjbo is standalone tho 
> 
> title from superhero by ani difranco

It's several hours since they arrived at the hospital, recovering from gunshot wounds. Except Todd, so he was left to worry out of his mind. Eventually, they're all in the clear and the doctors confirmed that whilst Farah, Tina and Hobbs will need to stay for a few days to heal, Dirk just needs to stay overnight. Todd nearly collapses with relief. 

The visit is brief- it's late and they're all worn to the bone at this point. Todd promises to visit early tomorrow so they can get everyone in the loop with what has happened the past few days. Hobbs asks where Todd's staying tonight, Todd shrugs and says a motel or the station- he isn't fussed. Hobbs offers the key to his house- that he can just stay at his place. 

And heck, nobody has fed Mustard for a couple days. So, if he could...? 

Todd accepts, and promises to look after her. Eventually the conversation lulls and soon Dirk is the only one left awake. He wasn't as bad off as the others- a gunshot in the leg- but he's tired. Todd pulls up a chair next to his bed. Some hair has fallen in front of Dirk's face. Todd longs to gently push it back. 

"How are you feeling?" He says instead. 

"Not bad- considering the bullet wound. A step up from being harpooned twice in the shoulder. Honestly, I'm just relieved the case is solved and for when I get the hell out of here." 

"Not a hospital fan?" 

"Lord no. Too... clinical-y. Anyway, I've spent enough time surrounded by white walls to last a lifetime." 

Ah. "You've never said what happened there- in Blackwing." 

Dirk grimaces. "New management. Still terrible and I'd very much like to not think about it more than I have too." 

"Alright- I get it. I gotta go soon, but I'll be here first thing in the morning, ok? Are you gonna be alright here?" Todd really doesn't want to leave. He wants to be in Dirk's orbit. 

Dirk gives him a sleepy smile. "I'll be alright, Todd- don't panic. Everyone else is here and-" He gestures a little, yellow notebook. "- Mona will keep an eye on me. What about you? Will you be fine by yourself?" 

Todd hopes he doesn’t look as needy as he feels. "It's fine. I'm staying at Hobbs' place. I’ll have a cat for company." 

Dirk snorts. A nurse pops her head into the room and politely tells Todd that visiting hours are over. He stands up. 

"Best let you go, then." Dirk says. Maybe Todd is imagining it, but he sounds a little sad. 

"Tomorrow morning, remember? You're barely staying awake right now, anyway." 

Dirk hums. "Fine, fine." 

Todd doesn't want to jostle Dirk around too much, so he opts for a slightly awkward one arm hug. Dirk's arms wind round his back and he nuzzles into Todd's neck. Reluctantly, Todd pulls back. 

"See you, Dirk." 

"See you." 

Then, as an afterthought, Todd leans in towards the notebook. "And, uh... see you too, Mona." 

He feels a little silly doing so, but he definitely sees the notebook move ever so slightly. 

Hobbs' place isn't too far from the hospital. Todd pulls the amboolents in and trudges up the driveway. It's gotten pretty dark now. When he opens the door, he's immediately greeted by a large lump of fluff. 

"Oh, uh... hey, Mustard." 

He leans down and lets Mustard sniff his hand, before petting her. 

"Sorry you've been left alone for a few days- your, uhm, dad is in the hospital, so you've got me. Is that ok?" 

Mustard stares at him. Todd feels like he's being judged somehow. 

"Right! So- food? I'll- I'll get to it." He scrambles to the kitchen. 

After a bit of searching in various cupboards, he finds some cat food. He spoons it into the food bowl and when he places it on the floor, Mustard pounces on it like she hasn't eaten for a few days. Which, Todd realises, is the case. 

It also makes him realise he hasn't eaten much for several hours, probably close to a full day at this point. He had little appetite, but knows that he'll regret it in the long run. Hobbs said that he's allowed to eat whatever he has in the fridge. Todd settles on a box of mac n' cheese. 

Whilst he's prepping the meal, he turns back to Mustard. 

"Sorry for... taking your medication, by the way. I didn't think cat epilepsy pills would help with pararibulitis but- they do." 

Mustard doesn't seem to hold any hard feelings about that. 

The little bowl of mac n' cheese is ready, so Todd carries it to the kitchen table. At this point, Mustard is finished and is grooming herself. Todd gingerly takes a few spoonfuls of his dinner. It reminds him of his college days. 

Which, in turn, reminds him of the band. Which, reminds him of who he was as a person. 

He isn't that hungry anymore. 

"I'm a piece of shit," He says, maybe to the cat, or to nobody. "Like, I want... I want to be better. And, maybe I am? But I'm not sure where I am." 

He picks at the food. "I've let down so many people. Mostly my sister- that's the worst one. I think that's fucked for good, but... maybe I can be ok with that. I won't, but I'll try." 

Mustard stretches and yawns. Maybe it's the stress of the week, but Todd somehow can't stop talking. 

"And, Farah. Oh, God... those two months. She was amazing throughout- she's such a badass. Whilst I was going crazy, because... because..." 

He laughs, a little bitter. "I must have- I must have drove her mad during that. Like, we're both messes and she had to deal with it all. I chased a rabbit for seven hours. It led us to Dirk, but who even does that?" 

"I've gotta apologise to her... and Amanda. And, honestly? A lot of people in my life. My parents... the band. Dirk." 

Grimacing, he pushes the bowl away, and he heads back to the living room. Their sleeping arrangements from a few days ago remained unchanged. He does his business in the bathroom; he has no clothes to change into- and he doesn't want to rummage through Hobbs' things- so he puts his original clothes back on. 

He stares at the blanket nest Dirk had made. Todd flops into it, and buries himself under the blankets. He feels weight near his head and he looks up to see Mustard peering at him. 

"I really like Dirk." He whispers. "Like... teenage movie bullshit levels like him." 

Mustard pads to his chest and curls up. 

"I've never," A laugh is startled out of him. "Felt this way- over anyone. I thought there was something wrong with me. I mean... there is something wrong with me- I'm in my thirties and never felt anything, that's not that old, but sometimes it feels it- and then, I kinda did- with Farah? Gave me some hope, I guess. Then that went nowhere. But then Dirk..." 

He blinks rapidly. "Dirk- happened. It's like a- a sucker punch. He's stupid and annoying and perfect. The fuck am I supposed to do with this? I've never really... experienced this." 

The realisation hits him like a bullet. 

"It's more than just wanting to like, kiss him or hold his hand. I don't know what I want with him. It's not just wanting to have sex with him, either," Todd doesn't know why he needs to clarify this. "Maybe it's- it's part of it? I've never been with anyone for that, though. I just... want him in this way that makes me want to do stupid, reckless things. It runs in this- this crazy, deep way. I don't think it's normal. But the whole never feeling thing probably isn't, like, normal, either." 

He's ignoring that one little issue with the whole situation. 

"I don't think it's a mutual feeling, though. He views me as a friend- I'm not gonna doubt that- but it's just that. For him." 

Todd sniffs. When he touches his face, it's wet. 

"Ugh. Maybe it's another punishment from the Universe? Pararibulitis- for the lying. Being in love with someone for the first time, but he isn't in love with you. For what? Being an asshole in general? Well, I get it. And I'll allow it." 

He wipes his eyes, sheepishly. 

"I really love Dirk." Because it's true, and real, and he can't ignore that. "I'm in love with him and it's not requited and that's ok." 

It's not ok. But Todd can't change anything. 

"Love is over-hyped. Don't fall in love." Todd strokes Mustard's head. "People talk it up. It just makes you feel shitty." 

Mustard purrs loudly. Todd can feel it against his chest. It's a nice feeling. He curls up around her. 

"Thanks, Mustard." 

* * *

"We should build a blanket fort!" 

"What, why?" 

"Because blanket forts? Really, Todd- you're anti-blanket fort?" 

"No. You just caught me off-guard. Let's build this fort." 

The fort is a little shoddy- and a tight squeeze. Todd's fine- but Dirk is mostly leg, so he's a little cramped in. He's grinning with a childish delight, though. Todd's heart aches with fondness. 

"What bought this on?" He asks. 

Dirk shrugs. "I don't know. I've never made one before- wanted to see what the fuss was about." 

"Amanda and I use to build them a lot when we were kids. Our parents got mad because we kept taking the couch cushions." 

"That is adorable." 

"I try." 

Dirk swats at his leg and gives him a you're-lucky-I-agree look. Todd laughs. He's been feeling high and floaty lately. Comfortable. Sitting in a little cosy space, with somebody he loves. Somebody he's in love with. And it's a mutual feeling. 

Mutual feeling. Huh. 

"Do you remember that blanket nest- from when we stayed at Hobbs' place?" 

"Yes. We should do that again. It would be considerably nicer without a healing leg wound." 

"Yeah, we should." 

Dirk tips his head. "Something the matter?" 

Todd shifts around a bit. "Just thinking of the first night- when you were in the hospital, and I was by myself. It was a weird night for me. Like, everything crashed down." 

Dirk looks alarmed. "Todd..." 

Todd quickly clarifies. "I'm fine! To be honest, I think I really needed it. I never really talked about anything before, so I kinda confessed a bunch of shit to Mustard." 

"You had a heart to heart with Hobbs' cat?" 

Todd grins sheepishly. "I know it sounds dumb-" 

"It's not dumb. I sometimes have deep discussions with houseplants. A little bit surprising from you, but-" 

"I know," Todd interrupts. "But it was relieving- in hindsight- to talk about it. At the time, I felt like shit- I was hiding under blankets, crying my eyes out." 

Dirk's eyes widen. "What the hell were you talking about?" 

"Everything, I guess? People I screwed over. Guilt. You." 

"Why... me?" 

"Not in a bad way. Just- at the time- I knew I was in love with you. Like, this crazy, crazy amount. But I thought it was one-sided. I accepted it, even though it was going to hurt like a bitch." 

"I'm sorry-" Dirk begins, but Todd puts a hand on his knee. 

"Not your fault- especially because I know it wasn't true- it wasn't one-sided," He gives a smile, that is thankfully returned. "It made things in my life I never dealt with, come to the surface. Like, my sexuality." 

Dirk places his own hand over Todd's. 

"I didn't know what asexuality was. Everything I felt for you was new. And it was weird and freaked me out. Didn't know who I was, or what I was." 

"I know that feeling." Dirk says, half to himself. 

"Now, I know what asexuality is now- from our conversation a few weeks ago. I... looked into it more." 

"And? What did you learn?" 

"I think I'm... demisexual?" Todd's never said it out loud before. "It feels the most right, for me." 

"Then that's what you are. And if it changes, then it changes." 

"What are you, by the way? You said you were ace- and liked dudes- but you were kinda vague." 

Dirk waves his hand. "I never really labelled myself, personally. Maybe I consider myself holistically-sexual?" 

"I am somehow unsurprised." 

"I'm probably, most definitely, demi, as well. I've never had a chance to emotionally connect with anyone before.” Dirk’s cheeks darken slightly “You're the first... first person I've really thought about having sex with." 

Todd's own face is probably doing the same. "I kinda forgot I'm your first uh... first?" 

"First person I've dated." Dirk corrects. "I've had sex. Well, it's been well over a decade, but you know. Been there, done that- it was certainly over-hyped, but fun." 

"But you want to? With me?" 

Dirk regards him honestly. "Yes, I've thought about it, and yes, I'd like too. But I don't want you to feel like you have to for me- I don't need sex. I've been perfectly fine without it. And I wouldn't want to if you didn't- and never did." 

Todd blushes. "No, it's just- you're the first for me too. Like, the emotional connection shit and thinking about it sometimes? Sex, I mean. With you." 

"Oh?" 

"Not- not now. But, in the future- at some point?" Todd blush deepens. "I want to- have sex with you." 

Dirk's lips quirk. He leans forward and kisses the corner of Todd's mouth. 

"We've got all the time in the world, Todd. So, whenever you're ready." 

"I know." Todd looks away. "Can we like- can it be slow, though? I don't wanna do too much, but it’s gonna be our first time so I want to, y'know, enjoy it with you." 

"That's what I'd want- and we can work it out as we go. We’ve built a career on doing that, Todd!" 

Todd laughs loudly. They slowly fall into silence. Todd feels a little fidgety from being so vulnerable. He scoots over so he can be in Dirk's space more. Dirk catches on. He bundles Todd up in his arms. He kisses Todd's temple. 

He's glad it's mutual. 

**Author's Note:**

> mustard is the true mvp  
> i think i wanna write one more fic before the e rated one. unless you guys want that one now? its unedited currently and its not like its following a continuous line just whenever i get ideas lmao the smut fic isnt even their first time (tho maybe i should write that too?- i have a list of fic ideas for this not-au-but-kinda-is)  
> also dirks dialogue? i will master you one day


End file.
